I find myself conflicted about this: when a friend confides in me about a struggle, my instinct is to empathise and offer support.  Feeling their pain is natural to me. 

There’s nothing worse than having your feelings invalidated when you’re hurting, it feels like a betrayal. So even when I suspect my friend’s situation is self-inflicted, or blown out of proportions, I wouldn’t dream of being critical at that moment.

Instead, I’d allow time for the pain to subside, perhaps offering comfort. Then if necessary, I’d gently address any underlying patterns to help my friend avoid being blindsided in the future and repeating the same mistake.

I am all too aware that we can be masters of self-justification.  We struggle with a task, project or dream, and we readily blame factors seemingly outside our control: lack of resources, lack of support, lack of connections…or a disability, a mental health issue or a physical health challenge. We become experts at explaining away our failures. Truth be told, we can end up with a long list of reasons to fail, before we even attempt anything. We have to concede, these “reasons” now qualify as excuses.

What if we redirected that mental energy towards positive action? We might surprise ourselves with what we can achieve.  Not only that, but we might also generate goodwill and support along the way.

Consider Tim Harris from New Mexico, USA. He dreamt of owning a restaurant as a teen, and with support from loved ones and his community, he opened one in 2010. He simply called it Tim’s place. “A place where we serve breakfast, lunch, and hugs.” The concept was a success, for 5 years straight.

The restaurant would likely still be thriving, but Tim closed it to be closer to his girlfriend. Remarkable, isn’t it? 

What if I told you that Tim has Down’s syndrome? Did your jaw drop?

Tim chased his dream with clear focus: he graduated with certificates in Food services, office skills and restaurant hosting in 2008 then went on to work as a host in Applebee’s restaurant. Armed with that experience, and his parents’ support, he secured the funding necessary to make his dream come true.

There are many reasons why Tim could have thrown in the towel before even starting. He just didn’t entertain the thought.

It makes you wonder, if Tim could achieve his dream, what’s stopping the rest of us?  

Perhaps we need to acknowledge that sometimes, we are actively self-sabotaging instead of self-actualising.

So how about this as a takeaway: more effort in the right direction, less self-sabotage, and who knows how far we could go?

Let’s ignore our “reasons ” why failure may be inevitable.

“Things are never as complicated as they seem. It is only our arrogance that prompts us to find unnecessarily complicated answers to simple problems.” – Muhammad Yunus

What’s standing in the way of success is often just ourselves. Let’s get out of our own heads, stay out of our own way, keep it simple and just do the work!

À bon entendeur,  salut! (A word to the wise)

Reflect , Redefine, Rise!

R.